Anonymous asked: Hi there, I have recently broken up with someone but it's still giving me a great deal of anxiety and now I get the feeling him and a friend of mine are speaking, she has been ignoring me, but I do know when I was with him she used to message him and now they are both always online at the same time, and this is really getting to me and I do not know how to deal with it or if I should confront him? Thank you.
Thanks for your question. I think you have a few options. But first, I’d like to clarify what you mean by “confront.” The word confront (to me) has a certain aggression to it. It sounds as though you are wondering whether you should point blank ask this person what he’s up to with your friend. If he feels judged or attacked, or if he senses that you can’t handle the truth of the answer, you may not get the truth.
Instead, why not try sharing the truth of how you feel? Are you scared? Feeling insecure? Hurt? Whatever you are feeling, keep it about yourself, not the other person. (For example, “I feel you are seeing my friend” is not actually a feeing about you).
Lastly, whatever he responds, trust yourself first and foremost, not just his response. Learning to distinguish what your instincts are telling you vs. what your fears or insecurities are leading you to believe is a great skill. It may take some time to develop this. Now is a great time to start. Only you know will know the difference.
I hope this is helpful!